Tension. Discomfort. Unease. These are words that describe feelings that typically involve some form of conflict and that are generally avoided by most people. We don’t like to be in a state where we are uncomfortable, for that condition also implies a lack of control over one’s personal environment. No one likes to be out of control, especially when it comes to those few inches of air that closely surround us so that we can call it our own. 

Avoidance is what happens, for the most part, when we are made sufficiently uncomfortable. We diffuse, disassociate, or deny that there is any real need for engagement in the subjects or the relationships that form the point of irritation. Push back and deferral are tactics that are used to gain time and space away from the potential confrontation, and these are frequently employed in the hopes that the issue or concern will either self-resolve or that it will become buried beneath other more current urgencies. This is all too human a set of behaviors, and it almost always leads to a worsening of the situation at hand through damage done to relationships and by stagnation of even regression in the state of being in the life of families, friendship groups, and entities corporate.

The most significant challenge that is to be faced when confronted with high tension situations is found in overcoming the resistance to attempts at direct resolution that will be encountered from people that are also participants in the objective events and, perhaps most troubling, from people that one might look to for objective advise and wisdom. Simply stated, people do not like to engage in hard conversations, and they also do not like to witness others doing so. All of this makes entering into a proactive or planned process of such engagement very difficult to accomplish. 

If the relationship between the participants is intimate and personal, there are special challenges and concerns at work in the engagement. Yet, these are the sorts of situations where natural need and proximal pressures may work to force engagement even if they cannot require resolution. When the concern surrounds the relationships among larger and more corporate groups, deferral and denial of need are most easily practiced. In these situations, there is often a hierarchy of authority that can either choose to embrace the process of resolution or it can decide to quash subordinate’s drive for it. Leadership courage is the characteristic that most profoundly influences this choice. 

That is not to say that deferral is a cowardly choice in all circumstances. In fact, it can be the boldest thing that can be done in some situations; yet, when deferral is selected, it requires a very special form and intensity of leadership so that all of the parties are made fully aware of the fact that whatever was causal for the tension is still to be faced into and to be dealt with by all of the parties involved. Additionally, a time line and a preliminary plan for this process need to be communicated, agreed upon, and follow through must be actively managed. On the other hand, denial is never an appropriate reaction. If people are feeling relational or topical tension, discomfort, or unease, those feelings must be treated as real as they are addressed. Should denial be the response that is received, it needs to be challenged and rejected as an invalid response. If denial is one’s own initial response, it should be set aside in favor of a more open and engaged approach to the concerns at hand.

More often than not it is important and appropriate to begin the process of engagement as soon as the conflict has been identified. The first step in all of this is usually a simple recognition of the fact that there are issues to be faced into. From there the parties involved can establish and identify the concerns and the topics that are to be engaged during the process to follow. When this is happening with a larger or a more corporate group, leadership will be challenged to remain open to the stated and the unspoken concerns that others may hold. It is easy to exercise leadership authority in a manner that frames decisions as wisdom when they are, in fact, primarily driven by the need for control that leads to a pre-contrived desired outcome or that attempts to conclude the matter with everyone feeling good yet not accomplishing anything substantive by way of growth or transition.

Times of conflict are a part of the way that God has designed His people to engage with our world with its brokenness. In our world today we struggle to relate in a healthy and a loving manner as we disagree on many subjects and about the ways that we live out our understanding of God’s desire for the conduct of our lives. Yet, we are not designed by our Creator to settle into and remain in this state of tension and relational discord. Instead, God desires that we would work toward using the existence of  these differences as opportunities for gaining in understanding of others and for strengthening the bonds of our love in Christ as we set aside dogmatic adherence to personal ideas, thoughts, and opinions for the sake of reaching a place of mutual respect.

This leads us back to the concept of leadership courage. Truly bold leadership is also humble in its openness and its willingness to be found lacking or misguided in some of what it has held as true or best. These leaders are risk takers in the realm of relationships. They are able to trust that God has their back when it comes to stepping out into the unknown in order to resolve conflict and to release tension so that their people can grow and thrive in their service to the Kingdom. Relational tensions, whether caused by personal actions, by cultural concerns, or by other issues, are among the most significant causes of affliction and suffering in our world and in the church today. God has promised to bring us His comfort in these situations. We must trust Him to be true to His word in these matters; so, we need to face into these challenges as they come before us and engage in the honest and open dialogue that is the Lord’s path to transformative resolution and to the more abundant life that follows.

For just as the sufferings of Christ are ours in abundance, so also our comfort is abundant through Christ.      

2 Corinthians 1: 5